A year ago today (4/5/18), was the day that Janelle was first admitted to Mass General Hospital in Boston.  A few days later she was diagnosed with a very rare form of bone cancer, Ewing’s Sarcoma. Our life stopped, as we knew it.

“Oh, and I will be with you when the darkest winter comes…Oh, and I will be with you in the night sounds and it’s true Oh, I’ll go anywhere with you.”

Janelle fought with the utmost positive attitude and a smile on her face.  Her beauty and warmth continued to radiate during her battle. We spent many precious hours together fighting cancer, hugging, and expressing our love for each other.  We met compassionate knowledgeable medical professionals that became our friends.  The Danvers/North Shore community that works at MGH did everything in their power to make sure Janelle had the best of the best care.  We did our research, got other opinions and questioned every decision made for her care.  There is no greater love than a parent’s love for their child.  I would have changed places with her if I could have (even though she got mad when I said this).  Our family will never get over the loss of our beloved Janelle. She was everything and more than I ever dreamed of in a daughter.  Everyday I miss everything about her.  I miss her advice on being healthy, politics, social media, and fashion.  I miss her smile and her laugh.

“If you go out dancing in the rain, if you go chasing in rainbows, just to find the gold end there, Darling just look behind you, Oh, I’ll go with you anywhere.”

I don’t feel like my grief will ever end.  Facing life without you is very difficult.  Our family went away for Christmas because we didn’t want to face the holiday without her.  Holly went back to college and then Patrick and I “ran away” on a road trip down the east coast to Florida, visiting friends and family, and back to SHU in CT to see Holly.  Janelle was with us Anywhere and Everywhere we went.  I feel her warmth inside me.  Janelle is my sunshine.

As a family, we try our best to honor Janelle everyday.  I meditate in Janelle’s room, as we did together during her battle.  I try to eat healthy and organic.  I give it my best at being positive and smiling.  I try to pay it forward in her honor.  Patrick & Holly will run a half marathon, for the first time, in Janelle’s honor.

I wish I could visit you in heaven.  I would bring you a yummy meal from the Organic Garden, smother you with hugs and kisses, do yoga with you and admire your radiant beauty.

“If you get out on the ocean, If you sail out on the sea, If you get up in the mountains, If you go climbing on trees…Darling, that’s when I’m with you, Oh, I’ll go with you anywhere”

“Yeah, I’ll go anywhere with you” – Passenger

All my love, Mommy